Friday, November 29, 2013

The Twelve Days of Black Friday

I am not a fan of Black Friday.

The concept could disappear completely, and as far as I'm concerned, the world would be a better place. The idea of whipping shoppers into a buying frenzy and then having them compete for limited quantities of items demonstrates, in my not-so-humble opinion, a bit of flawed logic. News clips this morning showed people panicking as crowds pressed against doors and customers fighting over items in the stores. There was one news video showing aggressive shoppers being arrested at the flat screen TV pallet as fights broke out. Who wouldn't want to be part of that?

My Black Friday protest is simply to stay away from the stores. Unfortunately, Black Friday is no longer a is a concept that spreads across many days. Part of me is encouraged at the thought that maybe we are seeing the death of the traditional Black Friday, but then I wonder if we haven't simply found a way to extend the mayhem.

I spent part of Thanksgiving day relaxing and cooking for a family gathering with the SyFy Channel's James Bond marathon playing in the background. Almost every commercial break, the same ad played, "Don't worry! Black Friday isn't over yet!!" How odd!! My initial reaction was twofold. First, technically, "Friday" had not even started yet! Of course it wasn't over! Second, of all of the issues that had worked their way up my worry list, missing Black Friday wasn't one of them. This commercial, for me, served as an overplayed reminder that Black Friday has now escaped the traditional definition of "Friday" and has taken over a larger chunk of the calender.

Given that I hear a lot more about doorbusters than Christmas, it occurred to me that the 12 Days of Christmas may have been replaced by the 12 Days of Black Friday. If that is the case, then allow me to offer the following:


On the twelfth day of Black Friday, my retailer brought to me....

Twelve shoppers fighting
Eleven backed-up checkouts
Ten fists a swinging
Nine five-buck toasters
Eight bait-and-switches
Seven cops arresting
Six maxed-out Visas
Five connecting crock pots!
Four empty pallets
Three tired kids
Two loads of stuff
And a doorbuster 'neath the Christmas tree

Happy Thanksgivukkah, everyone!!